Thoughts of Abhigyan

The sword problem

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:13:00 +0000

This is one more interesting problem - there are n persons standing forming a circle. The first person has a sword, he kills 2nd person and hands over the sword to the 3rd person. He kills 4th and gives it to 5th and so on... (Remember that these persons are in circle, so if last person gets the sword, he will kill 1st.)
Problem is - given the value of n, find out the person who will survive.

Scroll down to find the solution to this problem, but I urge to take some time to solve this one - Thats where the fun is :)

To solve this problem, I divided the problem in two parts. Lets take the case when n is even and then think about the odd n.
I also wrote a small python program to see the result and then try to map these results with some known series like fibonacci etc.
I am pasting my code here -

mylist = []
j = input("Enter the last number upto which we need to calculate this: \n")

#Add values
for i in range(1,j+1):
mylist.append(i)
num = 1
while len(mylist) != 1:
del mylist[num]
num = (num + 1) % len(mylist)
print "\n And the no. remaining is : ", mylist

With this, I came to know that if n is even, result is always 4x+1.
If n is odd, result follows 4x+3.
But I couldn't get any relation between x and n.

Then I realized one more phenomena - no matter if n is even or odd. There is some relation in n and the next no. which is power of 2.
Take n = 1000. (result is 977.)
next no which is power of 2 = 1024.
difference = 1024-1000 =24
subtract 24 from 1000 = 976.
Add 1 = 977. (We have the answer).

Lets try odd n.
let n = 999.
next no. which is power of 2 = 1024.
1024-999 = 25.
999-25+1 = 975 - which is the real answer!!!

I won't give more example here, but I tried more and they were all matching up.

One of my friends suggested that if I convert the no. to binary and then add all powers of 2 where 1 occurs and add all powers of 2 where 0 occurs and then subtract the two, I have the answer.
e.g. take 5 = 101.
1's are on 0th and 2nd position - add them 2^0+2^2 = 5.
0's are on 1st position - add them 2^1 = 2
subtract both 5-2 =3 - this is our answer.

On further thinking, adding 1's is not necessary as it will always result in the no. itself. :)

The juice problem

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:25:00 +0000

For quite some time, I was trying to solve the following problem -
You have a party coming and you have ordered 1000 bottles of juice. The party is about to start in one hour and suddenly you come to know that one of the bottles is poisonous - the person who drinks it would die exactly in one hour (without showing any symptoms, just suddenly drop dead!).
Now, you don't want to ruin your party, but you certainly don't want your guests to die. Hence, you get 1o guinea pigs(Assume they behave exactly as humans once given juice). Your aim is to find the bottle which contains the poison.
I spent a lot of time to solve this one. Lets see how long does it take for you. :)

Will put solution in the comments section....

Swami Vivekananda Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 09:16:00 +0000

Currently, I am reading a book from Swami Vivekananda. I am always interested in discussing and thinking about religion as whole and Hindu religion in particular.
The work of Swami Vivekananda makes you think. I hardly read 20 pages and got into a lot of thinking. I grew up reading in RamKrishna Mission libraries which has left an impression on me, and things which you pick up in childhood are really difficult to un-pick.
That said there are a lot of things with which I don't agree with. And then there are things which I agree with, but the manner in which he speaks, I WANT to refute.
He says, "Verification is the perfect proof of a theory." This is exactly the thing I am taught to challenge in Science. If I can give 100 examples of some theory working, it doesn't make it right. Proof by example doesn't work - refute by example does. However, I agree that verification is the ONLY tool currently available for proof.

So much for now, I need more coherent thoughts on this one. Will continue later.

So much for the laugh

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:06:00 +0000

My God! I have laughed a lot from Sunday to Monday. On Sunday, we went to Meenoo, Shyamakshi and Mousmi's house for the lunch. Boy, are these girl mad! For full 5 hrs, I made fun of them and they kept on giving me a lot of opportunities. Mousmi acts so stupid that I just can't stop laughing whenever I am with her.
And today, Chanu was at her best. She told me that she dropped her iron today causing it to break. Then she went to make "Pulao" and found something lying beside the box of rice, when she poked at it (No joking! she really did it.), it started to move!! Big wonder :)
Bloody worm was eating her sweater as well - that ugly, distasteful, sinful buster. So she bought some naphthalin and put it in. My first response was - what? you put naphthalin in rice? And her response - that's what mom said, "have you gone crazy?". I was speechless .... I still am.

Feels great to see my posts in my rss feeds

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:27:00 +0000

I am going to let out a secret! It feels great to see my own posts in my own rss feeds a.k.a. G-Reader. Every time I see my post followed by the no. of new items, my heart leaps. Today it's showing 3 and after this post, it would be 4. I don't want to read them and make them disappear.

I know it's stupid but that's how it is. Today was a typical Monday, I got stuck heavily in traffic and reached office at 11.30 AM. Then did a few things, Mario wasn't in office. I am re-reading Calvin and Hobbs and it's great. The only thing remaining is the book, "World is flat" which I need to finish. Lets hope I do that.

Scott adams advising another cartoonist

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 18:40:00 +0000

This is a new form of reality shows... Scott Adams has found one cartoonist guy (also named as Scott) and is giving him advice. If things stopped at that, there would have been no news at all; but he is giving him advice in public i.e. - he gives him advice and then updates it on his blog and then ask his readers (including me) to give advice too.
This new Scott guy would be happy about it - after all, he is getting free publicity. And Adams is gaining the pleasure of knowing that he is helping a new guy. If he makes it big, Adams can always say that he is his "God-Father" and the readers are happy too giving free advice on a matter none of them has any experience at all.
What ensues, is really interesting - just like some reality tv show, Adams keeps us informed by his blog updates and asks us to comment. So far 6 updates have been posted.
I am writing this because I want to keep writing. Its not that I particularly wanted to write this thing, but I had to do my daily writing and all I could summon was this. :)
Hopefully, within 1 week, my writing will start showing some improvement.

Benefits of working

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 20:54:00 +0000

"Teach the thing you want to learn yourself." Lets discuss why I consider working better than non-working.
1. It gives you happiness - Think about it, when were you very happy? Was it the day in which you did nothing, or was it an action packed day? Even if your answer is earlier, I am sure it happened after some very hectic days.(There is nothing like rest after a long day or week).
2. No mental blocks - When you do work, you don't feel guilty - you have completed your duty. This relieves all mental pressure.
3. It's the most natural thing - "A man's basic nature is to act and not to be acted upon." - Steven Covey. So, you are being more natural when you do things as opposed to when you don't. Active voice is better than passive.
4. Feeling of worthiness - When you do work, it feels that you are worthy and not piggybacking on the world. You are carrying the world along with you. You can make things change... It is such a nice feeling that I can't explain it.

60th independence day

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 13:59:00 +0000

So, its 60th independence day of India. Everybody is doing analysis of these 60 years. I don't understand what they are talking about? Take, for example, Times Of India - the newspaper has its front page D.O. - what does this mean? We are not doing anything up to now? Or does the paper think that after we read this message, we will start doing 'stuff' instead of sitting on our haunches as we (supposedly) do now?

We create our God, only to kill him

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Sat, 12 May 2007 05:13:00 +0000

I was reading the book "Best of Mind tree" when I came across this article. It made me pause and think. It is said, 'to know something and remember it, write it", so here is the article -
When Voltaire remarked that if God did not exist we would have had to invent him, the clever Frenchman almost got it right. Instead of 'if' he ought to have used 'as'. As God did not exist, we had to invent Him. For the so-called Creator is nothing but our own creation, like a conjurer's illusion. And like an amnesic conjurer who has forgotten his own sleight of hand, we take the illusion for reality.
This gives rise to a number of problems, metaphysical and moral. For instance, scholastics in medieval Europe would engage in endless debate about God's omnipotence and the paradoxes it led to. Could God build a wall so high that He could not jump over it? If He were omnipotent, he could build such an unjumpable wall. But by the same token of his omnipotence, He could jump over it.
What the debaters did not see was that both the Wall, and its Athletic Builder, were equally figment of their imagination. As was the debate. The moral problems of God's existence center around the question:if a benevolent and all-powerful God exists, why does He allow bad things to happen to good people? The answer often provided is that it's all part of a Divine Plan which we can't see and therefore can't understand. unfortunately, this makes God sound like an Orwellian Big Brother who works strictly on a need-to-know basis while manipulating our minds and actions.
A far more elegant 'solution' to the problem would be to see that 'bad' things that happen are a result not of a malevolent, inscrutable fate but simply of our won attachment. From the perspective of perfect detachment both 'bad' things and 'good' things disappear.
Then there is the problem of prayer and the role of God as an interventionist in our affairs. If I say my prayers and observe the scriptures, surely God will make my wishes come true. But what if those wishes included my triumph over my neighbour, and equally devout and pious individual who wishes to triumph over me?
What'll God do? Ignore us both? In which case, why are we wasting our time? Or will he leave it all to chance to see which of us wins over the other? In which case, He becomes nothing but a lottery ticket in the sky. So what's the answer? Perhaps that our concepts of 'triumph' and 'defeat', not to mention 'rival', 'piety', 'prayer', and 'God' Himself, are limited and limiting constructs of our won mind.
We create God in our own image. Auden wrote: "O God, put away justice and truth for we can not understand them and don not want them. Eternity would bore us dreadfully. Become our uncle. Look after baby, amuse grandfather, introduce Mariel to a handsome officer. Be interesting and weak like us, and we will lobe you as we love ourselves."
The ancient gods - of Indic or Greek mythology - were whimsical, lustful, mendacious. Just like their worshipers, just like us. Perfect soap opera material for pre-TV days. The Jehovah of the Old Testament was a vengeful, bloodthirsty scourge, reflecting militant tribalism. The New Testament, with its message of peace and goodwill, was the precursor of the MNC: God as a global franchiser, a spiritual counterpart of McDonald's.
When the West got tired of its God, it killed Him via Nietzsche. We have killed God, said the philosopher and unleashed existential angst among his contemporaries. Ramakrishna was much cooler about it. In meditation, when his beloved Mother appeared before him. he took to sword of duality and cut Her in two, severing the bonds of his worship.
Had Voltaire been around, would he have said: If God did not exist, we would have had to destroy Him?

Improving my body language

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Fri, 04 May 2007 02:04:00 +0000

I have decided to put in some effort to improve my body language. I will work on following 5 points-

Won't cross my legs or arms - This is the first rule of good body language but I flay it all the time. My hands (and legs while I am sitting) are usually crossed. And I am not being defensive or guarded at that time.
Relaxing my shoulders - My shoulders are usually up and forwarded which conveys that I am tensed. Hence, I will try to shake them when doing wrong and pull them back.
Won't touch my face - Self explanatory.
Keeping my head up - I look down a lot, even when I am walking. I will now look up and straight.
Won't fidget - Won't move my legs in a rapid motion and won't drum my fingers.

Lets work on these five points first and then I will seek further improvement. Today is May 4th, 2007 and I will be back with my comments (as to how well I did it) on May 11th.

Someone's(!!!) idea of being happy

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 11:36:00 +0000

Free your heart from hatred. - agreed
No worries. - debatable
Live simply. - strongly agreed
Give more. - hum bolega to bologe ki bolta hai ;-)
Expect less. - couldn't agree more.

toon

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 11:45:00 +0000

How to build habit.

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 16:47:00 +0000

The five steps in building habit is
1. Visualize your goal. Form a clear mental picture of what are you going to achieve.
2. Tell the world what you are going to achieve. Also offer punishment for not doing it anytime. Create a little pressure behind it.
3. Set a time-line for it and commit it on paper.
4. The rule of 21- to make a habit, repeat it everyday same time, same place for at least 21 days.
5. Enjoy the process; if you don't enjoy, you are not going to make it a habit. Remain spirited, joyful and curious. Stay focused and the world will take care of the rest.

WIndows xp, lets play with it.

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 13:47:00 +0000

Here is the listing of things I do to my default windows xp installation to make it more comfortable to work with-

Making Start up and shutdown faster

Goto start menu -> All prgs -> Startup, delete anything which you don't want.
If you hold down shift key while windows boots, nothing in the startup folder would run.
Goto start -> run and type msconfig. Disable anything you don't want.
Goto start -> run and type services.msc, again disable anything you don't want.
Goto start -> run and type regedit , now go to "HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Run" and you will see a list of programs which run at startup; simply delete things you don't require.

Also, have a look at following article

Turn Off Unnecessary Windows XP Services

Generate File listing:
Create a .bat file containing "dir /a /-p /o:gen >listing.txt", save it using Encoding : Ansi.
Go to Tools -> Folder Options -> File Types tab -> Folder -> Advanced -> New
In the Action box, type the name that you want to appear in the context menu. Browse to the location of the .bat file you created, and select it in the box labeled "Application used to perform action."

Open the command prompt from Right click menu:

To have an option of opening command prompt when right clicking on a folder, open registry editor and goto HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE/Software/Classes/Folder/Shell. Create a new key called Command Prompt. For the default value, enter whatever text you want to appear when you right-click on a folder—for example, Open Command Prompt. Create a new key beneath the Command Prompt key called Command. Set the default value to Cmd.exe /k pushd %L. That value will launch cmd.exe, which is the XP command prompt. The /k switch puts the prompt into interactive mode. That is, it lets you issue commands from the command prompt; the command prompt isn't being used to issue only a single command and then exit. The pushd command stores the name of the current directory, and %L uses that name to start the command prompt at it.

Add "Copy to" and "Move to" to the right click options:

run the Registry Editor and go to HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\AllFilesystemObjects\shellex\ContextMenuHandlers. shellex . Create a new key called Copy To. Set the value to {C2FBB630-2971-11d1-A18C-00C04FD75D13}. Create another new key called Move To. Set the value to {C2FBB631-2971-11d1-A18C-00C04FD75D13}.

Add or Remove locations on the "Send to" option:

Goto C:\Documents and Settings\\SendTo, this is the folder where all shortcuts to the locations can be put where u want a send to entry. (To make a shortcut, right click and goto new->Shortcut and follow the instructions)

Create your own Windows XP icons in Paint:
Launch Paint from the All Programs | Accessories menu.

Pull down the Image menu and select the Attributes command.
In the Attributes dialog box, type 32 in both the Width and Height boxes and click OK.
To make the image easier to work with, click the Magnifier tool and select the level 8 magnification setting.
Press [Ctrl]G to add gridlines.
Use the tools and colors to create your icon.
Press [Ctrl]S and save the file with an ICO extension.

The tip was found here.

Speed up web access using Hosts file:

Goto C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc and open the "hosts" file. Here u can add ip and host-names sothat no DNS resolving would be done.(Caution: if the host changes ip address, u have to update that in the file)

Force Outlook express to open all email attachments:

choose Tools -> Options -> Security and clear the box next to "Do not allow attachments to be saved or opened that could potentially be a virus".

Better Use of RAM:

To remove dll which are no longer needed from the memory, go to Registry editor and go to - HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Explorer. Create a new DWORD value named AlwaysUnloadDll, and give it a data value of 1. Exit the Registry and reboot for the new setting to take effect. If you use old programs(esp 16 bits) then this may cause problems, in that case delete the DWORD.
Reduce icons on your desktop, they consume memory.
Turn off the background services you don't need.

Disable Window's low disk space warning:
Open the command prompt and write -
regini HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\Explorer "NoLowDiskSpaceChecks" = REG_DWORD 1

If this doesn't work, then go to regedit and create entry on the above mentioned path.

7 blunders of the world

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 09:43:00 +0000

1. Wealth without work

2. Pleasure without conscience

3. Knowledge without character

4. Commerce without morality

5. Science without humanity

6. Worship without sacrifice

7. Politics without principle

—Mahatma Gandhi

Some useful Firefox add-on for productivity

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 17:57:00 +0000

Here is a list of add-ons which I use with mozilla firefox to make it dance with me-

Adblock Plus - pretty obvious I believe.
Auto Copy - anything you select within the browser goes to clipboard, so I dont have to press ctrl+c and I can direct to a ctrl+v.
Colorful Tabs - For aesthetic purpose.
del.icio.us bookmarks - To access my delicious bookmarks.
Dog ears - To mark important parts of a web page and easily find them.
Download statusbar - Instead of a separate window, download happens on status bar making it easy to track.
ErrorZilla - This turns the usual "404-error not found" to a list of options out of which my favorite is to use Google cache.
Fasterfox- firefox's better performance.
Firefox showcase - this feature is just like Internet Explorer-7 to have a bird eye view of all the opened tab.
IE Tab - for sites like cricbuzz and iiitb which are viewed best in Internet Explorer.
pdf Download - It searches the url and if it finds that the file is a pdf instead of a web-page, it gives me useful options like download, view it outside firefox or view as html.
Cooliris Preview - point to a link and it will show you preview of that page without clicking, hence saving a lot of clicking and coming back. especially useful while googling.
Clipmarks - Lets u save and share contents of a web-page without having to bookmark the whole page.

I came to know about these through browsing but one article was particularly helpful.
http://www.quickonlinetips.com/archives/2005/12/50-best-firefox-extensions-for-power-surfing/

There are some less useful add-ons as well

Gmail Manager - Gmail account management.

Last tab - Allows the user to navigate using most recently opened tab instead of usual left to right thing using ctrl+tab. (One can also use ctrl+pg up or down without this extension but it won't show u a preview of that page.)

Stumble upon - Is a great time pass and source of information.

As far as the themes are concerned, I found Noia 2.0(eXtreme) the best.

Hope this was useful.

Some firefox tweakings are as follows -

first type the about:config in the url box

search for network.prefetch-next and set it to false to avoid firefox to prefetch pages it thinks you will click.

search for browser.cache.memory.capacity and set it to value depending on your RAM size, like 5000 for upto 512 MB RAM and about 16000 for more.

Right click on about:config page and create a new boolean named config.trim_on_minimize and set the value to true. This will ensure that when you minimize your firefox, the contents go to hdd instead of remaining in RAM.

Search for network.http.pipelining and set it to true.

Give network.http.pipelining.maxrequests a high value, about 10.

Create a new boolean content.interrupt.parsing and set it to true.

Search network.dns.disableIPv6 and set it to true.

To avoid downloading complete page before displaying it to us and show it as it downloads, create a new integer content.max.tokenizing.time and give it a value of 2250000.

To set min. time to wait between reflows, create a new integer content.notify.interval and give it a value of 750000.

To neglect initial paint delay, create a new integer nglayout.initialpaint.delay and give it a value of 0.

Some other information -
To view info and statistics regarding your disk’s cache, including the name of your cache’s directory and a list of the entries, type about:cache on browser url bar. By default, Firefox doesn’t allow you to view the cached webpages, so this can be an useful option.

about:plugins gives a list of plug-ins installed.

about:Mozilla gives book of Mozilla. (More to read "High quality funda")

Lets write

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:14:00 +0000

I just read an article which said that to increase your productivity, one should write something daily. Though the article said the best time to do it is the morning, I am doing it on night since I have some spare time. I (try to) maintain a digital diary, which I prefer not to share with others. So lets start writing here as well.
I don't know what I would write about but it doesn't matter, one ounce of work is better than years of planning and finding the perfect moment.
Lets start a series of unintentional writing and then see the result.
If any one wants to contribute, he is more than welcome.
I will resume writing tomorrow morning.

if you think

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 18:12:00 +0000

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

the boy

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 19:06:00 +0000

My thoughts came to sudden halt as his scooter hit another. I was looking at the accident as if I have magically arrived there and it was someone else who was involved in the accident.
Within seconds, a traffic cop arrived. I, with old cloths, unshaven and in his youth was an ideal person to be blamed for the accident. But my thoughts were somewhere else. He answered the questions mechanically,
“What is your name?”
“Vivek”
“What do you do?”
“I am a student.”
“Where do you study?”
“The college for Science and Enginnering”
“Show me the papers and license”
I obliged, I could feel that the cop now is not as harsh as he was in the starting. I tried to guess the reason but was unable to understand.
The cop was examined the papers and then sent the other man with a saying that no real damage is done and then turned to me.
Come on, ask for money – I thought but he said something else.
“Would you teach my son?”
I was completely taken aback. Here I was, thinking how desperately and an opportunity came. I said “But I will take money”.
The cop said most certainly. And it was all fixed. I had to go to teach for 6 days a week and he would receive Rs.1000/- p.m. for that.
The day I entered the home, I understood why this man was ready for anything to have his son taught. He had a reputation for being nasty (actually nasty was a compliment for his behavior). The boy was loud, vociferous and very demanding; in contrast I was tacit and very shy. The only thing which made me stay was the need for money.
I understood that the boy had brains, if only he could steer it towards constructive work rather than destructive ones, he will make a very fine boy.
The first day finished and I was invited for a tea. After the tea I found my tyres inflated. The next day, he fooled one child into believing that goat can actually talk, did a remarkably good acting of fainting while I was trying to teach him. He made a splendid story of how I was ill treated by my own teachers and how I resolved to do the same to avenge. Then when I asked him to draw a picture, he drew a person being hanged.
I laughed aloud when I saw the picture. Of all the reactions he expected, this was not even his wildest dream (neither in mine) so for the first time he was looking at me curiously. I challenged him, “come on! You can do better than that, lets make a few pictures so that we may watch a person being hanged and enjoy.” He was speechless, so I took the charge and drew the pictures and kept them in such order that if one flips the page, he will see a man being hanged. He was delighted. He ran around to show it to every body he knew. I let him do that

just a little story

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 19:05:00 +0000

In the end of November, he went to the new school. Looking at the huge building, he gingerly entered the class thinking why his father has been transferred and why he had come to a very different city and among strangers.
Being shy in nature it was very difficult for him to adjust to the new surroundings. He had barely passed the entrance test. (He was given two questions and he could answer only one). This didn’t help things as he didn’t like the idea of nearly failing in anything. Even after 4 days of school, he could only manage one friend who told him everything about the school including who was the topper of the class. It was a girl who wasn’t from his section.
The moment he saw her, the feeling of hatred came into him. She was tall (tallest amongst all students of the class), she smiled always talking to everyone in sight. In contrast, he was among the shortest persons in the class and very self centered. So the battle begins, he thought and smiled to himself. The idea was wonderful, a man fighting for his lost crown. (He was indeed the topper of the class in earlier school).
He studied day in and day out and finally got 99 out of 100 in maths – his favorite subject in the half yearly exam. The first blood was drawn– now he was recognized.
Well, things would have got merrily but for one thing. No matter what he thought or did, she seemed to be oblivious to it. It was true that she recognized him but she resolutely refused to recognize him as an enemy. After her magnificent performance in the annual function, he blasted her show in the article he submitted to the school magazine. Of course the article was not published but everyone in the school became aware of the animosity – everyone except HER.
If things could not be worse, she and he lived in the same locality. He doesn’t want to even look at her and it seemed the she made sure that he would see her every day going to and coming back from school. He tried random times of going and coming back but always she managed to be seen in the way. This failure to dodge her only infuriated him and prompted him to be more and more severe to her but she was unaffected to say the least. He invited everyone except her on his birthday party, she came nonetheless and just when he was about to throw her out, his mother intervened and let her in. she didn’t stay long and gave her a present ( a show piece – big deal!!) and went away. Even in that short period of time, she managed to impress his mom. This angered him even more.
Finally the result of the final exams came and there it was- he stood first in the class! But she again surprised him by being the first person to congratulate him.
In the summer vacation, he didn’t think of her very much. He was now the king and that was it.
The children grow at a varied pace, some grow very fast and then stagnate, some grow slowly but steadily. Clearly she was the first type and he became the second. In the next two year, he continued to top and may be because of it became tolerant towards her. He could now bear to see her daily but he never tried to talk to her, neither did she. He wanted to punish her but she didn't allow it at all.
They were growing and inevitably the time had come where you feel that there is a difference between a girl and a boy. He was a good orator, he was good looking and he was intelligent - soon, he was taking the hottest girl out; not because he wanted it but because everyone thought he should do it. At first, it was new and challenging hence very magnetic but with time, it became boring, there was no competition at all and the girls were not fun to talk to.
On the other hand; she wasn't so beautiful and her intelligence had made her as unpopular in boys as his had made him popular. I don't know why but most of boys (and men) can't stand an intelligent girl? Anyways, so it happens that she was going without dates and he had trouble managing his.
One day, he didn't find her on the way to school. He did not find her in school as well. When this happened for the second day in the row,he grew restless. He knew where she lived but should he go there? and what would he say?

A VISIT TO THE ASYLUM FOR AGED AND DECAYED PUNSTERS

noreply@blogger.com (Abhigyan) — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 21:23:00 +0000

Taken from project Gutenberg:
By Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
Having just returned from a visit to this admirable Institution incompany with a friend who is one of the Directors, we propose giving ashort account of what we saw and heard. The great success of theAsylum for Idiots and Feeble-minded Youth, several of the scholarsfrom which have reached considerable distinction, one of them beingconnected with a leading Daily Paper in this city, and others havingserved in the State and National Legislatures, was the motive whichled to the foundation of this excellent charity. Our latedistinguished townsman, Noah Dow, Esquire, as is well known,bequeathed a large portion of his fortune to this establishment--"being thereto moved," as his will expressed it, "by the desire of_N. Dowing_ some public Institution for the benefit of Mankind."Being consulted as to the Rules of the Institution and the selectionof a Superintendent, he replied, that "all Boards must constructtheir own Platforms of operation. Let them select _anyhow_ and heshould be pleased." N.E. Howe, Esq., was chosen in compliance withthis delicate suggestion.
The Charter provides for the support of "One hundred aged and decayedGentlemen-Punsters." On inquiry if there way no provision for_females_, my friend called my attention to this remarkablepsychological fact, namely:
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FEMALE PUNSTER.
This remark struck me forcibly, and on reflection I found that _Inever knew nor heard of one_, though I have once or twice heard awoman make a _single detached_ pun, as I have known a hen to crow.
On arriving at the south gate of the Asylum grounds, I was about toring, but my friend held my arm and begged me to rap with my stick,which I did. An old man with a very comical face presently opened thegate and put out his head.
"So you prefer _Cane_ to _A bell_, do you?" he said--and beganchuckling and coughing at a great rate.
My friend winked at me.
"You're here still, Old Joe, I see," he said to the old man.
"Yes, yes--and it's very odd, considering how often I've _bolted_,nights."
He then threw open the double gates for us to ride through.
"Now," said the old man, as he pulled the gates after us, "you've hada long journey."
"Why, how is that, Old Joe?" said my friend.
"Don't you see?" he answered; "there's the _East hinges_ on the oneside of the gate, and there's the _West hinges_ on t'other side--haw!haw! haw!"
We had no sooner got into the yard than a feeble little gentleman,with a remarkably bright eye, came up to us, looking very serious, asif something had happened.
"The town has entered a complaint against the Asylum as a gamblingestablishment," he said to my friend, the Director.
"What do you mean?" said my friend.
"Why, they complain that there's a _lot o' rye_ on the premises," heanswered, pointing to a field of that grain--and hobbled away, hisshoulders shaking with laughter, as he went.
On entering the main building, we saw the Rules and Regulations forthe Asylum conspicuously posted up. I made a few extracts which may beinteresting:
SECT. I. OF VERBAL EXERCISES.
5. Each Inmate shall be permitted to make Puns freely from eight inthe morning until ten at night, except during Service in the Chapeland Grace before Meals.
6. At ten o'clock the gas will be turned off, and no further Puns,Conundrums, or other play on words will be allowed to be uttered, orto be uttered aloud.
9. Inmates who have lost their faculties and cannot any longer makePuns shall be permitted to repeat such as may be selected for them bythe Chaplain out of the work of _Mr. Joseph Miller_.
10. Violent and unmanageable Punsters, who interrupt others whenengaged in conversation, with Puns or attempts at the same, shall bedeprived of their _Joseph Millers_, and, if necessary, placed insolitary confinement.
SECT. III. OF DEPORTMENT AT MEALS.
4. No Inmate shall make any Pun, or attempt at the same, until theBlessing has been asked and the company are decently seated.
7. Certain Puns having been placed on the _Index Expurgatorius_ of theInstitution, no Inmate shall be allowed to utter them, on pain ofbeing debarred the perusal of _Punch_ and _Vanity Fair_, and, ifrepeated, deprived of his _Joseph Miller_.
Among these are the following:
Allusions to _Attic salt_, when asked to pass the salt-cellar.
Remarks on the Inmates being _mustered_, etc., etc.
Associating baked beans with the _bene_-factors of the Institution.
Saying that beef-eating is _befitting_, etc., etc.
The following are also prohibited, excepting to such Inmates as mayhave lost their faculties and cannot any longer make Puns of theirown:
"----your own _hair_ or a wig"; "it will be _long enough_," etc.,etc.; "little of its age," etc., etc.; also, playing upon thefollowing words: _hos_pital; _mayor_; _pun_; _pitied_; _bread_;_sauce_, etc., etc., etc. _See_ INDEX EXPURGATORIUS, _printed for useof Inmates_.
The subjoined Conundrum is not allowed: Why is Hasty Pudding like thePrince? Because it comes attended by its _sweet_; nor this variationto it, _to wit_: Because the _'lasses runs after it_.
The Superintendent, who went round with us, had been a noted punsterin his time, and well known in the business world, but lost hiscustomers by making too free with their names--as in the famous storyhe set afloat in '29 _of four Jerries_ attaching to the names of anoted Judge, an eminent Lawyer, the Secretary of the Board of ForeignMissions, and the well-known Landlord at Springfield. One of the _fourJerries_, he added, was of gigantic magnitude. The play on words wasbrought out by an accidental remark of Solomons, the well-knownBanker. "_Capital punishment_!" the Jew was overheard saying, withreference to the guilty parties. He was understood, as saying, _Acapital pun is meant_, which led to an investigation and the relief ofthe greatly excited public mind.
The Superintendent showed some of his old tendencies, as he went roundwith us.
"Do you know"--he broke out all at once--"why they don't take steppesin Tartary for establishing Insane Hospitals?"
We both confessed ignorance.
"Because there are _nomad_ people to be found there," he said, with adignified smile.
He proceeded to introduce us to different Inmates. The first was amiddle-aged, scholarly man, who was seated at a table with a_Webster's Dictionary_ and a sheet of paper before him.
"Well, what luck to-day, Mr. Mowzer?" said the Superintendent.
"Three or four only," said Mr. Mowzer. "Will you hear 'em now--now I'mhere?"
We all nodded.
"Don't you see Webster _ers_ in the words cent_er_ and theat_er_?
"If he spells leather _lether_, and feather _fether_, isn't theredanger that he'll give us a _bad spell of weather_?
"Besides, Webster is a resurrectionist; he does not allow _u_ to restquietly in the _mould_.
"And again, because Mr. Worcester inserts an illustration in his text,is that any reason why Mr. Webster's publishers should hitch one on intheir appendix? It's what I call a _Connect-a-cut_ trick.
"Why is his way of spelling like the floor of an oven? Because it is_under bread_."
"Mowzer!" said the Superintendent, "that word is on the Index!"
"I forgot," said Mr. Mowzer; "please don't deprive me of _Vanity Fair_this one time, sir."
"These are all, this morning. Good day, gentlemen." Then to theSuperintendent: "Add you, sir!"
The next Inmate was a semi-idiotic-looking old man. He had a heap ofblock-letters before him, and, as we came up, he pointed, withoutsaying a word, to the arrangements he had made with them on the table.They were evidently anagrams, and had the merit of transposing theletters of the words employed without addition or subtraction. Hereare a few of them:
TIMES. SMITE! POST. STOP!
TRIBUNE. TRUE NIB. WORLD. DR. OWL.
ADVERTISER. { RES VERI DAT. { IS TRUE. READ!
ALLOPATHY. ALL O' TH' PAY. HOMOEOPATHY. O, THE ----! O! O, MY! PAH!
The mention of several New York papers led to two or three questions.Thus: Whether the Editor of _The Tribune_ was _H.G. really_? If thecomplexion of his politics were not accounted for by his being _aneager_ person himself? Whether Wendell _Fillips_ were not a reducedcopy of John _Knocks_? Whether a New York _Feuilletoniste_ is not thesame thing as a _Fellow down East_?
At this time a plausible-looking, bald-headed man joined us, evidentlywaiting to take a part in the conversation.
"Good morning, Mr. Riggles," said the Superintendent, "Anything freshthis morning? Any Conundrum?"
"I haven't looked at the cattle," he answered, dryly.
"Cattle? Why cattle?"
"Why, to see if there's any _corn under 'em_!" he said; andimmediately asked, "Why is Douglas like the earth?"
We tried, but couldn't guess.
"Because he was _flattened out at the polls_!" said Mr. Riggles.
"A famous politician, formerly," said the Superintendent. "Hisgrandfather was a _seize-Hessian-ist_ in the Revolutionary War. By theway, I hear the _freeze-oil_ doctrines don't go down at New Bedford."
The next Inmate looked as if he might have been a sailor formerly.
"Ask him what his calling was," said the Superintendent.
"Followed the sea," he replied to the question put by one of us. "Wentas mate in a fishing-schooner."
"Why did you give it up?"
"Because I didn't like working for _two mast-ers_," he replied.
Presently we came upon a group of elderly persons, gathered about avenerable gentleman with flowing locks, who was propounding questionsto a row of Inmates.
"Can any Inmate give me a motto for M. Berger?" he said.
Nobody responded for two or three minutes. At last one old man, whom Iat once recognized as a Graduate of our University (Anno 1800) held uphis hand.
"Rem _a cue_ tetigit."
"Go to the head of the class, Josselyn," said the venerable patriarch.
The successful Inmate did as he was told, but in a very rough way,pushing against two or three of the Class.
"How is this?" said the Patriarch.
"You told me to go up _jostlin'_," he replied.
The old gentlemen who had been shoved about enjoyed the pun too muchto be angry.
Presently the Patriarch asked again:
"Why was M. Berger authorized to go to the dances given to thePrince?"
The Class had to give up this, and he answered it himself:
"Because every one of his carroms was a _tick-it_ to the ball."
"Who collects the money to defray the expenses of the last campaign inItaly?" asked the Patriarch.
Here again the Class failed.
"The war-cloud's rolling _Dun_," he answered.
"And what is mulled wine made with?"
Three or four voices exclaimed at once:
"_Sizzle-y_ Madeira!"
Here a servant entered, and said, "Luncheon-time." The old gentlemen,who have excellent appetites, dispersed at once, one of them politelyasking us if we would not stop and have a bit of bread and a littlemite of cheese.
"There is one thing I have forgotten to show you," said theSuperintendent, "the cell for the confinement of violent andunmanageable Punsters."
We were very curious to see it, particularly with reference to thealleged absence of every object upon which a play of words couldpossibly be made.
The Superintendent led us up some dark stairs to a corridor, thenalong a narrow passage, then down a broad flight of steps into anotherpassageway, and opened a large door which looked out on the mainentrance.
"We have not seen the cell for the confinement of 'violent andunmanageable' Punsters," we both exclaimed.
"This is the _sell_!" he exclaimed, pointing to the outside prospect.
My friend, the Director, looked me in the face so good-naturedly thatI had to laugh.
"We like to humor the Inmates," he said. "It has a bad effect, wefind, on their health and spirits to disappoint them of their littlepleasantries. Some of the jests to which we have listened are not newto me, though I dare say you may not have heard them often before. Thesame thing happens in general society, with this additionaldisadvantage, that there is no punishment provided for 'violent andunmanageable' Punsters, as in our Institution."
We made our bow to the Superintendent and walked to the place whereour carriage was waiting for us. On our way, an exceedingly decrepitold man moved slowly toward us, with a perfectly blank look on hisface, but still appearing as if he wished to speak.
"Look!" said the Director--"that is our Centenarian."
The ancient man crawled toward us, cocked one eye, with which heseemed to see a little, up at us, and said:
"Sarvant, young Gentlemen. Why is a--a--a--like a--a--a--? Give it up?Because it's a--a--a--a--."
He smiled a pleasant smile, as if it were all plain enough.
"One hundred and seven last Christmas," said the Director. "Of lateyears he puts his whole Conundrums in blank--but they please him justas well."
We took our departure, much gratified and instructed by our visit,hoping to have some future opportunity of inspecting the Records ofthis excellent Charity and making extracts for the benefit of ourReaders.